Husband shares how he used to think of himself as the ‘main character’ of his marriage
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From the time they said “I do,” he saw himself as the “main character” in the relationship — the leader and the decision-maker. But when his wife unexpectedly took on a more dominant role in their marriage, he found himself struggling to adjust, and at times questioning his identity as a husband. This is the story of how one man learned to share the spotlight with his wife in his marriage.
Husband shares how he used to think of himself as the 'main character' of his marriage

Table of Contents

1. Reflection on ‘Main Character’ Mindset in Marriage

Imagination of Life After Marriage: For many, the mere mention of marriage puts a smile on their faces as they daydream of living a happy, content life with their significant other. The main characters in many works of fiction are no different. Though the story might be romantic comedy, sci-fi, or mystery, exploring the main character’s mindset in regards to marriage reveals a more complex side to their character. 

Fears & Insecurities: Despite the initial bubbly optimism for marriage, fear and insecurity tend to be the underlying theme. From fear of inevitable change and conflict to the concern of potential life displeasure, the main character often grapples with the possibility of a failed marriage. In some stories, these fears are so strong that marriage is not a viable option for them. While in other works, the characters face their fears and take the plunge, with the hope of a favorable outcome at the end of the journey.

Conflicting Goals: A pesky trend in marriage related stories is two characters with conflicting goals. Despite both wanting to enter the marriage, they clash when it comes to future goals. One seeks more domestic tranquility while the other dreams of being a part of a larger society. This leads to moments of tension and doubt as it becomes increasingly difficult to balance both sides of the equation. However, we often hear tales of these aligned aspirations leading to happy ever afters.

1. Reflection on 'Main Character' Mindset in Marriage

2. The Benefits of Casting Yourself in a Supportive Role

If you’re looking to make lasting personal changes, then casting yourself in a supportive role is an effective and productive way to go about it. It involves seeing yourself as a reliable source of encouragement and solace, and relying on yourself for the inner strength you need to stay true to your goals.

Taking on a supportive role brings several distinct advantages:

  • Fosters Self-Belief and Confidence – Taking on a supportive role acknowledges that you are your own best cheerleader, and can use that to increase your self-worth and become more confident in yourself.
  • Motivating Force – Acting as your own encourager gives you the desire to keep going, even when the going gets tough. By relying on your own inner strength, you are more likely to stay focused and on track.
  • Materially Rewarding – In some cases, having a supportive attitude towards yourself can help you find great new opportunities and valuable experiences which will help to bring your goals to life.

Casting yourself in a supportive role can be a rigorous, but rewarding, exercise. It’s a great way to become the architect of your own life and build a strong and reliable inner strength that will last long into the future.

3. Examining How You Relate to Your Spouse

Discovering What Your Relationship Structure Is

Every married couple has a unique relationship structure that is made up of both conscious and unconscious behaviors. Uncovering this structure can be challenging, but is essential for creating a strong relationship. So, start with self-honesty and look for patterns in how you communicate, bicker, and even laugh together. Examine how your partner’s values differ from yours and assess how you adjust or compromise in order to make the relationship work. Additionally, a great way to start learning more about your relationship structure is to pick out the differences between how you and your spouse relate to your own expectations, past experiences, and family backgrounds.

Building Trust

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and establishing it can help you to better understand how you and your spouse interact. Here are a few strategies to help build trust in your relationship:

  • Start your day with positive affirmations and talking about what you love about one another.
  • Communicate openly and honestly on a daily basis.
  • Make sure that you make time for each other, and don’t forget about date nights!
  • Create intimacy by doing small meaningful gestures such as holding hands, hugging, or doing chores together.

Making Room for Growth

Your relationship is never static, and it grows and evolves over time. Make sure to build in time for the two of you to grow together. Try new activities, take vacations together, share stories, and encourage each other to pursue their own goals and dreams. Making room for growth can help to keep your relationship fresh and vibrant and will help to strengthen the bond between you both.

4. Steps to Overcome the ‘Main Character’ Complex in Marriage

When a marriage has been going on for some time, it’s easy to slip into the “main character” trap. One partner is seen as the center of the marriage, while the other takes a backseat. This can lead to resentments and create an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship. Here are 4 steps couples can take to avoid the pitfalls of the ‘main character’ complex.

  • Take Time to Connect – Take a step back and find ways to truly connect with each other on a regular basis. Intimacy is a key ingredient for any relationship so make sure both partners prioritize it.
  • Identify and Acknowledge the issues of both partners – Pay attention to what both partners feel and think. Acknowledging the issues of both parties is essential for resolving issues and creating a healthy relationship.

Communicate Clearly and Openly – Establish an environment of openness where both partners can discuss how they feel and talk about their worries and needs. This will help them to address issues quickly before it leads to further problems.

  • Encourage Change – Encourage Positive Change in the Relationship – Both partners should actively work on something new and different to keep the spark alive. Proactively fostering change in the marriage leads to new shared experiences and positive changes in both partners.

Putting in the effort to overcome the ‘main character’ complex will help create a fulfilling and equitable relationship, in which both partners are seen and heard in a respectful and loving environment.


Q: What inspired your husband to think of himself as a ‘main character’ in his marriage?
A: My husband had been watching a lot of movies and television shows where the lead characters led seemingly perfect lives – and he thought he could emulate those lead characters in his own marriage. He wanted to be someone who provided leadership and security to make our marriage thrive – like those characters do in the movies.

Q: How did that mindset really affect his marriage?
A: Thinking that he was the ‘main character’ meant that he subconsciously shifted more of the responsibility of our marriage onto himself – even though a marriage should be a partnership of decisions and responsibilities. That mindset resulted in an unbalance in our marriage, which we had to work to rectify.

Q: What was the turning point that led to your husband changing his perspective?
A: After reading several articles about marriage, he realized that in order for our marriage to thrive, he needed to think of himself and his wife as important but equal roles in the partnership. When we both took responsibility for our own actions, the balance in our marriage was restored and we forged a stronger bond together.

Q: What advice would you give to other couples looking to find balance in their marriage?
A: Don’t think of your spouse as a ‘main character’ or token leader. All decisions should be made with both spouses in agreement, and both should be responsible for their own actions. Once you can both understand and appreciate the balance of responsibilities and decision-making in your marriage, you will be able to build a strong and successful relationship together.

As they say, marrying isn’t a one-person job. Regardless of what roles we don’t see our partners as playing, husband or wife, perhaps we should remember that it’s a two-person job, and each person should carry their own weight. Together, we can build a solid foundation for a strong, successful, and supportive marriage.

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